And so it starts...Again

Here I go again. I am starting another new blog posting my fourth such. The other three are more personal, but the third was supposed to be in regard to my writing life. Not much was written on that site.

This blog is going to be ever so slightly different, not totally personal, but, more or less, my writing life and all that accompanies the aspects of writing. I will probably include things like, writing reviews to book, movies whatever pops into my mind the day I am writing.

Right now I am focused on getting my books of poems marketed and sold, which requires me to finish my web site, which by the time you read this it should be up and running. Nevertheless,  I do have a couple of novels and screenplays finished, but a big re-write has to take place before I get ready to publish them. So, the poetry is being working on now.  

 I am hearing that if you are not a big name or have a boat-load of money; poetry is one of the hardest things to publish, or for that matter, finding a manager or an agent to help you get published. That old saying is, you can’t get published if you don’t have an agent and you can’t get an agent if you are not published. 

Also, during this decade, I had been in contact with four or five Print-On-Demand (POD) publishers. Heck they called at least twice a month to find out what was going on with my manuscript. The only problem I have with PODs, they want anywhere from $599 to $16,000 to publish my manuscript. 

And, on top of that, they all seemed to a-la-Carte everything which in turn drives the price up considerably. As it is I am one of those poor starving artists (writer). In fact my lunch, today, was a-la-carte, PB&J, some fries and lots of water… 

A few years ago I set about trying to self-publish my book of poems. I had finally compiled all of my poems, and those of my nephews and nieces, and made a large format book, 8.5 by 11 sizes. That, in its self was quite a lot of work, so I ended up completing 20 books and sending them to my family members. 

After all were sent I noticed quite a few errors. And the problem, well it starts with me and ends with me, but, I had given the manuscript to a few “friends” to have them read it and check for errors. They returned them, with the errors checked in red. So, I redid the manuscript and printed up a batch, then mailed them off. 

It was then I noticed more errors. I should have checked and re-checked the final manuscript more than once, or I guess I was just being way too lazy. I have noticed, in my past, proofing wasn’t one of my main suits. Still isn’t, but I am making headways in that department. 

For this manuscript, I let my neighbor read it, give me an opinion, to let me know what she thought about it. And she did a very good job. Of course I did catch a few she missed, but she/I got the job done. 

Another hold up for me was pictures!? I had read, after I had put all of my pictures and clip art in to my manuscript that Microsoft states, I cannot use any picture or clip art for commercial purposes, even though I had purchased the program, MS Publisher or Word. Meaning, I can produce 10,000 flyers, brochures or whatever, with the pictures and clip art as long as I don’t sell em. 

So, I had to re-format my manuscript, uh, take all of the pictures out. So, the first edition only has pictures of my mother and siblings, and I think a picture of a tree, a picture I took. 

That also meant that I had to go and polish up my camera and take some of the pictures I needed. I needed a picture for the cover of my book and I had taken a few pictures years ago, but I couldn’t find them, still can’t find them to this day. 

I was out jogging in my neighborhood one day (I do this every day) and I happened to see the perfect picture for my cover. But it would be a few weeks before I got up the nerve to go up and knock on these people’s door and ask if I could take a picture of their garden. One day they were having a garage sale and the door opened for me. I got the perfect picture. 

One day, back in March, a couple of years ago, I was on Amazon.com and I clicked a button, I don’t remember clicking anything, but I was directed to a site called CreateSpaces. I read into it and found out it was a publishing site, connected with Amazon.com, and they would publish my manuscript for free! Well, for $39.95 if you get the Pro version. 

I think I read everything on the site about 5 times, just make sure it was true. Not really a catch, though, but they would get about 60% of the profit, meaning on a $10 sale, I would get about $3.85. This was fine with me, because I didn’t have to pay up front. 

Anyway, I went through with everything and on June 14^th 2010 my book of poems was there for all to see on Amazon.com. Now, I just have to get people to buy it. But, I only sold 40 or so books. Marketing, it would seem, isn’t my cup of tea. 

It’s kind of funny, because I am on quite a few social group pages with over a thousand online “friends”. For the longest time I have heard people ask when I was going to publish my book. Well, it’s here!! I guess I am going to have to send an invite to everyone on my pages, separately, so they become aware that my book is on sale. 

I know I am not going to make any money off of the sale of my book, but it was written from the heart, for my mother and what she did for me in my lifetime. But, hey, 300 sales wouldn’t hurt! I’m just saying…

In this new age of publishing one has to have at least a web site. Well, it’s coming. For all intent and purposes it’s finished. I just have to do a few more checks and then publish it. And then figure out the marketing aspect of this game. I have flyers, bookmarks and a couple of other things that I plan to mail, email and add to my web site in the next few days. I am getting the hang of this marketing thing.

And of course it wouldn’t hurt to mention the second book of poems I just published this past June. As mentioned above, it’s coming around, slowly, but it’s coming.

Manager, agent, or not, I am going to get this done. I am looking at steak and Lobster in the future…

War is coming...

            Today is May 29, 2012 and it was kind of wet, cloudy and really warm this morning. But, the sun should be shining later in the afternoon. Now that I look out the window, yes, the clouds are thinning and the sky is turning blue. It better stay that way, because I have a softball game later tonight.

            There is a war coming, it’s unavoidable. The storm clouds are brewing and I want to see this battle play to the end. I’m not talking about man against man, but to an extent, man against nature. More like birds against man.

            As interesting as this sounds, I noticed some weird signs the other day and they seemed to be foretelling the events to come. I have lived in my house for almost nine years and have seen nothing like this, well a few times in the past, at least not as bad as this. But the signs are there, nonetheless.

            As I when out to cut the grass I surveyed the surrounding area I noticed there was bird poop everywhere! I didn’t count but there had to be at least 100 or more droppings on my driveway. And I don’t mean the kind that just drop, but flying drops, high speed drops. Almost like bombing raids.

            What I mean is; the poop droppings are mostly six inches or longer. What this means, I conjecture, they came in low and let loose with the poop and let if fall as they may. Practice bomb (poop) runs? I am glad that I moved my old car out of the driveway or it would have been totally destroyed (with poop).

            I wouldn’t have paid it no mind but as I was taking the bags of lawn clippings to the curb I notice, in the distance a shiny black bird coming in low, about a foot off the ground, coming in fast. It dropped its load and made a mad climb into the sky disappearing into the sun, its bomb run complete.

            That kind of really seemed strange, come to think about it. Why are they on these practice runs? I have noticed that the birds, usually in my backyard, picking for worms and grubs are robins and starlings for the most part. Even though I have seen way too many geese, swans, by the hundreds, ducks and a hawk, it could have been an eagle, not sure on that one. I am going to have to get a book on birds.

I have noticed that the geese, though, walk around the neighborhood and just drop their loads right there on the sidewalk and think nothing much of it. Poop, there for every one to slip and slide on. They don’t care; they are the second wave, the heavy bombers. The duck are the fast fighter and the hawks, well all I can say is watch out, they are the dive bombers!

Now, I can’t say for sure that this war is about going to be between us and them. But, in my neighborhood, or at least within the immediate area there are a few cats lurking around. And I have seen this one cat actually catch a bird in my back yard. I yelled a couple of times for it to let go of that bird, but it had clamped down hard and wasn’t about to let go of its afternoon meal.

This cat has been a threat to all living things for the last three or so years. My next door neighbors have a couple of cats, to which they let out, on occasions. Sometimes the little girl lets her cat out on the roof, below her window. Anyway, I have seen that evil cat attack that friendly cat many times. And most times, at night, I hear cats screaming. That noise even wakes up my cats and they run to the window to find out what’s going on.  I have the feeling, though, they are not fighting, if you catch my drift.

I have also noted that I don’t see as many squirrels as I had when I moved here. In fact, once in my life, in another location, I saw a cat dragging a dead squirrel down the street. Seems like squirrels are not exempt from the coming war.

So, maybe the war is about that cat versus birds. And they are practicing those bombing runs for the sake of standing up to that evil cat. Or it could be that the neighbor behind me is feeding the birds laxatives??!

I will work for food...

            Today is May 12, 2012 and it’s a beautiful rainy day. It’s one of those days that I figured that I needed to get up off of my butt and do some of the things that needed to be done. Like clean up, wash the dishes, wash my sheets and towels, and stuff like that. During that time many, many thoughts swirled around in my mind, so I am going to write about one of them today, now.

            Anyway, after 50 years, I learned something and I am going to have to change my attitude, mind and the way I do things from now on. What did I learn? That it is harder to get people to help you out if you don’t pay them, and usually up front. So, now I am going to have to learn how to do the things I need to get my novels finished.

            Now, I am not mad at those folks for not coming through, I know that they, those I have asked to help me, are very, very busy with their own lives and businesses. I had contacted a few people to read my novel, well over a month ago and get back with me and let me know if it’s a thumb up or thumb down. Nothing much, they didn’t have to edit or anything else.

            That was a month ago, and still I wait. Now, my main supporter said he would look at the big picture and do covers for my novel and I told him I would compensate him later and he was good with that. He just happened to show a check he got for doing some work for a client, about a grand, and that got me to thinking.

            Anyway, as for my cover, I can’t use the one he created because he used known celebrities as the models. So, that would mean that I have to go and find models, a man and woman to pose. I asked around and lo and behold, after a month and a half nothing doing. So, I opted to just use the background as my cover, which is just as good.

            Another thing that fries me, I have found out that even if you purchase picture from photographers, you can’t use them if it involves making money with your subject, such as a book. Meaning I have to pay the photographer a royalty and the model a royalty. I had the perfect picture for my book of poems but had to scrap it because I was told that I have to find a lawyer and work out some sort of agreement. Time and money, which seem to slipping through my hand. So, I just went with pictures of family, of course, with their consent. Now that I think about it, I have always used picture that I have taken anyway. I guess I am going to have to go out and purchase a newer and better digital SLR.

            But, now that I want to get things moving, things have stalled. So, I decided that I am going to have to learn how to use Photo Shop, which I have had on my computer for quite a number of years. I went to YouTube and found that there are tutorials on how to make covers for novels. Well, that should save me a little and I can learn at the same time.

            I do have a niece reading my novel and I would love for her to help me edit a few others, also. But, she too is a busy young woman. I have told her I would compensate her but she said no. But, I think I will start to pay her for her help on this and any project that comes alone, but that may not work because she just got accepted in a master’s program in creative writing poetry, go figure.

            So, being the starving writer that I am, I have to start saving some cash so that I can get my work read and edited. I have a friend, well, someone I have known for some time now, to edit my work and he, kind of, agreed to do it and I can pay him later. Which is what, it would seem, I am going to have to do. He mentioned that he had quit being an editor but, I don’t know if it was I or others who convinced him to return to editing. But, I know it sure will help.

            Then again maybe I should learn how to edit my own writing. I know when I look at other’s writings I can see what is what and can edit it, but doing my own is harder than putting on a size 9 shoe with a size 12 foot.  I figure, practice makes perfect or practice, practice, practice! Not like that basketball player who stated he hates to practice.

            There are so many things that I need to do and since I retired, and I haven’t done them. That is going to change. I am tired of eating pb&j and tuna sandwiches. Not like anything has changed since I was last working at a real job. I just like pb&j sandwiches. But, I’m willing to work for food, but I better get to stepping or I will be left behind.

            And, of course, make sure that my novels sell so I can pay, up front.

Living alone, being alone, being lonely...

Living alone, being alone, being lonely, according to a recent article in “Time” magazine, living alone is now the “new” norm and more people are living this way, and to a degree, I agree. The last relationship I was in ended a little over two years ago and now, I couldn’t be happier. (Of course I could be happier…buy my book!)

            I have been single for 21 years, two months, and 3 days. During that time I have tried to find that “perfect” women, but it took me that length of time to find out she didn’t exist. In my last relationship I had come to the conclusion that my ex-girlfriend just wanted a “sugar-daddy”, and she was only a couple of years younger than me.

            Not only that, she continued to mention, she didn’t want to be alone and wanted someone to take care of her. Some things I don’t mind but being as it was and as long as I had been with her, I really had to bite my lip and sit my hands when I was with her, just so I wouldn’t hurt her feeling because of some of the stupid things she said or did.

            In my years I had to cook or I would have to go and get fast food at some Mickey D’s joint or worse. One of the things that set me off, with my ex-girlfriend, she cooked everything in a microwave! Salmon, chicken and her favorite, when I stopped by after playing racquetball, soup. And not just any soup, Mushroom soup…I hate it with a passion, now.

            Me, on the other hand had to learn how to cook and I would cook a full plate of food and, don’t get me wrong, I really love cooking breakfast. At least my son’s love my breakfast, so they say. But, I digress…

            A few of the things my ex liked to do, go to concerts, and she only wanted to sit in the front row. Me, I don’t mind sitting up on the hill in the grass and watch the stars, so to speak. She was causing me to go broke when it came to doing things, Even though she suggested that we find free things to do. But those free things included me driving to her, 40.4 miles away, then to where ever the free event was and she wanted a meal too. Sometimes I think retirement sucks…in a one-way relationship. She was just an expensive woman and loved expensive things, so I noted.

            Anyway, I am the type of guy who loves to stay active and when it came to active my ex, she tried her best, just couldn’t keep up. So, it was doing things on my own or going to her house and watch a movie.

            Then, after one year, being with her, I realized that I could move faster, do things better and have more fun if I went by myself. I rejoined a bowling league, a racquetball league and a softball league. And being in a ski club the activities are endless. And I do as many as I can find without killing myself in the process.

            Yes, I enjoy living alone and if that is the new “norm”, I’m all for it. But, for all its worth, that means that I am alone quite a lot now, at least at home. That too, I don’t mind, it just means, I have to get things done. And my two cats, Tom and Jerry help a lot, whether they know it or not. And, and…watch an action movie on my HDTV, with the sound up as loud as I can stand.

            Lonely? I don’t think so…I say this because even though I sit here, writing (most of this day), I am in no way lonely. I have too many diversions, friends and family. And, if you think about it, it helps to have children. I have two sons and, unlike the relationship I didn’t have with my father, I make sure I have a fruitful relationship with my sons.

            In the years of the internet, I have done the online dating thing and I would have to say, I had some success, considering, there are different degrees of success. But, if I delve deeply, I find out, more or less, I have been a failure, with online dating. Only, because I am still alone, but I wouldn’t go that far and say, failure. I say this because, in all those year I have met some wonderful women and quite a few are still friends, thanks in part to Facebook and MySpace and other social media.

            But, alas, I am still living alone…and loving it. At this point in my life I find it easier to enjoy life by being alone, and the KEY, is living alone, being along, but not being lonely. 

BALLS!

Today is February 26 and it’s a beautiful sunny, nary a cloud in the sky kind of day. Now that I think about it, every day is a beautiful day, sunny, cloudy, rainy, snow, I love em all. Makes you think, “as long as I open my eyes in the morning, it’s going to be a beautiful day.”

Anyway, it’s about them darn cats of mine. Sometimes I think they are just stupid animals, but they fool me every now and then. I have been trying to get them to chase a ball and return it to me and then repeat the process over and over until they drop from exhaustion or I drop from exhaustion.

Balls! I wish I could find them all.

            I know this can be done, because I remember years ago my brother taught his cat to do the same thing and I was totally amazed. And of course I have seen it done on the boob tube and in books and so forth. And when my son was here, a few years or so ago, they did that, brought the ball back.

            So, for the longest I have been picking up a ball and saying, “ball” and I would repeat this over and over again and they would chase it. But, they would never bring it back. I haven’t learned that part yet, how to get them to bring it back. But, they chase it and run all over the place chasing that ball. I purchased about 10 of those fuzzy balls and for the most part they have just about chewed those balls to death.

            Only the yellow and the green balls are still recognizable. The blue balls look like they have been chewed up and spit out. But, I do love watching them chase that ball. I have been opening the basement door, just a crack, just big enough, so that they fit through it and I toss the ball through the door and watch them chase it down the stairs.

            Every now and then they will bring the ball back up the stairs. They drop it and go about their business. I get the hint at that point. I pick it up (I think they are training me) and throw it back down the stairs. Or I throw it anywhere and they go nuts over that ball. Of course one of them will watch and the other goes after the ball.

            The only problem is that they don’t bring it back to me. They bring it up the stairs bat it a second or two then move off.  If I don’t come and get it their day is over with that ball, even though, in the middle of the night, I hear one of them running around the house like crazy. When I get up in the morning I can see that one of them had been knocking that ball around.

            Anyway, the other day, I was lying on the couch and the cats were fighting (playing?) and I started to yell “ball”. I did this for about 10 minutes. They sat there just looking off into space. But they stayed seated. I started to get bored and I didn’t want them to start fighting again.

            But, I gave up and fell asleep, it was my mid-day nap. I do a lot of that since I retired. I got up about an hour later and had my mid-day snack. I do that a lot since I retired, too. I hadn’t noticed, though, when I get back to finish watching TV, I noticed that there were four balls next to the couch. They brought all of those balls back but I was sleeping.

            I gotta give it to them though; they are learning the word, “ball”. Now, if I can get them to bring it back to me when I am awake, I’ll celebrate. Go figure.

Resolutions Part IV -- Quitting and other stuff...

            Today is February 16, 2012, and today is my birthday.  (I wrote this on the 16^th, but finished it on the 18^th). It’s been a month and a half since I decided to make a few resolutions, (lifestyle changes). But, alas, some of them are so hard to quit, even for a month or so.

 I love coffee, I really do. I love the smell and the taste of coffee. I love the smell of coffee brewing in the morning as it slowly wakens me. My resolution was to quit, at least for at least for a few months.

            I was never planning to totally quit, just ease on back a bit. Last year I, well a couple of months before the first of the year, I had given up coffee, beer and all sweet thing, you know, cookies, cakes, and my favorite, vanilla ice cream.

 And it all worked well for me. In the first four months of 2011 I lost 30 pounds. I was feeling it the first half of the year. The second half was another story. I weighted myself this January and I had gained 14 pounds! As of this past Monday I had gained another seven!

Anyway, I decided to do a resolution (lifestyle change??). I said I was going to quit coffee (for a few months). To be honest, it lasted about two weeks and that was only because I had run out of coffee. All I had was that instant and some decaf coffee, which is awful, just saying it out loud. Last year I did a lot of reading on the effects of coffee. I found out that coffee is, supposedly, good for you, in a few things. So coffee is back.

Then next resolution was to give up beer. Give up Beer? Me? Never! But I was going to cut back and pick it up again later in the year, like I did last year. I think I went with a beer until the Super Bowl, which was held on February 5^th. I purchased a case of 20 bottles and one of my son’s friends came with a 20 case of Irish beers. I love that guy!

Anyway, hardly anyone drank any of the beers, go figure. So, I had all this beer and I really didn’t want it to go to waste. So, I guess that ended that “resolution” per se. Twelve days into February I decided that I have to get down to my fighting weight, I decided to quit drinking beer for a while, at least until I get back down to 220. That means I had to finish off 15 beers, from the fifth to the twelfth, of February, and must say it was good. I still have the Irish beers, but I will wait for that day to finish them off.

So, quitting is hard, but I say never start and you will never get into that position. Talk is cheap and easy, but can you really quit? I know for me, it’s hard to quit sweet things, like cake and cookies, my downfall. I didn’t really have any until October of last year when my nephew, who is staying with me while he recovers, had his birthday at the end of October. And the cake was raining down from the sky. I went on a two month binge of cookies and cake, my addiction.

I got wise and said, to myself, I had to get back down to my fighting weight. But, I was slightly derailed during the Super Bowl, but, I am back on track; I will not touch any sweets until after all of those summer sports. I gotta show off that body of mine, the one I am sculpting now.

Speaking of working out, yeah, I am back in the gym. I hear that most people make that one big resolution on the first of January, “start back at the gym”. I read somewhere that most people who make that resolution quit the gym by the end of February. I got back in, but for some reason I just didn’t feel it. So, I think out of the 31 days of January I went for a total of seven. But, I was feeling bad and I had started back playing racquetball and I needed the energy and breathe to keep up play and being in the gym supplied that for me.

But, wouldn’t you know it; I caught a cold, my third in seven years. That cold reminded me as to why I don’t go to meetings, you know, the shaking hands, hugs, and stuff like that. I did take one week off but the last couple of weeks I played, I had the energy, but couldn’t get the breath. Needless to say, I lost every game.

I have been a member of a gym; as far back as I can remember. I really enjoy working out, yes, it gets boring at times, but the results are great. I can’t quit the gym! But, I guess we will see what happens in the fall. For some odd reason I usually let up and quit everything when I said I wouldn’t quit. I am finding the three things that make me quit, Thanksgiving, Christmas and the Super Bowl.

So, I will be working hard out hard for the next 10 months, then I quit…Now that I think about it, no more resolutions, let’s just get on with enjoying life! Just the way I like it.

Happy Birthday to me!

            Today is February 16, 2012 and it is my 59^th birthday! Yeaaaa! One year older and starting to feel it, well not really. As I say so often, age is just a NUMBER!! I still play racquetball, weekly, but I feel it when I get home and I bowl, but I don’t feel as bad when I get home. Still working out at the gym, today I just didn't feel it, though, so I am writing instead.

            Anyway, it’s a foggy, rainy kind of day, a beautiful day, the more I think about it. I got up early this morning and had a wonderful first cup of coffee -- that made my day! Maybe I should go to the gym…but relaxation is the key today, as it is for me every day…

            It’s kind of funny, I got nothing to write about here, that’s because it’s the start of the day and nothing has happen and there is nothing really on my mind, well, except for my birthday and that is just another day for me. Why, because every day is Saturday, except for Sunday, Holidays, and my birthday. 

RESOLUTIONS Part III -- Dieting and Food

            Thirty-five years ago, almost to the day, I became a vegetarian, but I wouldn’t exactly call it a resolution. I had given it a lot of thought, talked to some folks and read a lot of books before I started. What I did do to help, I fasted for, and I don’t remember the timeline, 30 days. It was the start of a new lifestyle.

            I do remember, those last few days in December, 1978, what I ate. My buddies and I would gather together, stop by McDonald’s and get a meal. The last thing I ate, before the New Year arrived, 2 big Mac’s, a large order of fries, two cherry pies and a very large strawberry milkshake, my last, meat meal.

            After the fast, for the most part, I worked out in the gym every day. The one thing I liked about this particular gym, it had a juice bar. After every workout I would guzzle down a Strawberry and spinach drink, it also had a raw egg in it. When I finished that concoction I would go across the street, to the health food store and get a few items, like those big chocolate carob chip cookies. In fact, I got stuck with the nickname, Cookie Monster, because when I got to work you could always see me nibbling on one of those cookies.

            During those early years I tried Macrobiotic diets and other kinds of vegetarian diets. I enjoyed the macrobiotic diet but no matter how you eat it, it’s still bland and boring. To this day I still eat the lentils and brown rice, but I bathe it in ranch dressing.

            I stayed a vegetarian through the first few years of my marriage, but got tired of hearing my ex talk about cooking for me. So, I started eating chicken and fish. On Thanksgiving my mother was the only one who cooked vegetarian meals for me, or anytime she cooked anything, like family outings and stuff, that’s why I loved her so much. Anyway, I guess with my ex’s cooking it lead to me getting away from what I was doing before and I got into real cookies, cakes and pies, my ultimate downfall, in regard to eating a healthy diet.

            So, just about every year I made resolutions as to how I was going to eat, starting the first of the year, not realizing that those were lifestyle choices. I continued to eat chicken and fish, only because, when I went on dates, whoever I was with, for whatever reason, couldn’t understand why I would only eat vegetarian.

            I have no problem with just eating a vegetarian diet; sometimes I prefer it to having a turkey burger. Heck, I can get down with just a tomato, cheese, lettuce on a sesame bun. I even throw in a fried egg. And Burger King would always comply. I don’t know if they still do the veggie burger, though, but it was good, really good, to me.

            Now that I think about it I could eat a veggie diet and not think about chicken or fish. My problem is them darn cookies. When I retired I really didn’t get out much and my son was living with me at the time. What he did was, after he got off from work at 1a.m., he would buy donuts, but he would get me a bag of donut holes. In the morning, when I got up, the smell of coffee from my automatic coffeemaker usually woke me up; I would have those donut holes and a pot of coffee.

            This went on for months, or as long as he remembered to bring me those donut holes. Of course, not working out was also a contributing factor in my weight gain. But, I couldn’t stop. In November of 2009 I found something I kind of regretted, sort of. CVS was, is selling Almond cookies for $1 a pack of 30 cookies. So, every week I purchased about five packs.

            And those cookies go good, no, great, with coffee. So, I was kind of hooked. In March of 2011, my doctor told me that my sugar (triglyceride) level was over 296!! Cholesterol, 247, my bad cholesterol, 149! That is about the time I joined the gym.

            For the most part of 2011, I my diet consisted of eating six meals a day. Oatmeal for breakfast and salads for lunch and dinner. I usually put tuna in my salads, many times nothing. That regiment went on until…my nephew got sick and moved in with me, and because that coming weekend was his birthday. His mother and his friends came over to celebrate his birthday and they brought over lots of food!

            Then Thanksgiving came, again it was at my house and they brought food, lot more food and cakes and pies, ice cream and stuff in that same vain. I had a ton of food, I thought. But little did I know that when they left they took most of the food and left the pies and cakes and other sweet stuff. That was the start of my downward trend to the dark side, of food. Of course the cookies and coffee started up again and anything else that was sweet.

            January 1, 2012, it was resolution time or lifestyle change, again. Well, I had resolved that I was going to do the diet I started in 2011, that and exercise again. But this time I was going to start fasting. I started on the second but could only go to the fifth; I wasn’t feeling it this time. I would have to guess, it was bad because I hadn’t fasted since early 2010. I had been fasting for…33 years, to that point, four times a year for a week.

            Anyway, I enjoyed with I did last year and hope to keep it going this year. It’s a diet that helped me lose and maintain. Sounds weird, but it worked. I had stayed away from coffee, anything sweet, beer and wine. I had a great year and that was one resolution that worked. Before I started writing, today, I had a salad, smaller than what I usually eat, Lentils and rice tonight. Hey, it’s a start.

Resolutions Part 11 -- losing weight?

One of those good years

            In the past few years I have told myself that I would never make a resolution. Why you ask? In the past 40 years or so, I have never kept a resolution; it’s as simple as that. I make them but they all seem to fail anyway. So, what I do is just implement something new into my life which makes it ever so harder to break and fail.

            That brings me around to, weight gain, weight lost. I have the feeling that most of us have all been there, a few times in our lives, I know I have. I was reading something today and it stated that the average women, in a relationship, gains about 15 pounds. I don’t know that it is for men, but for me, it’s been a lot.

            I don’t remember what I weighted during my first marriage, but I can say that when I left and got divorced I got down to 155 pounds and stayed that way for a couple of year. That’s because I joined a gym and worked my behind off. When I met my second wife I was still at 155 and I was bench-pressing about 300 pounds. Of course, at the time, I only pushed it once, but I got it up there.

            During my second marriage, I found out too late, my ex liked to cook! She cooked quite a lot, the only thing that bugged me; she would always make my favorite, peach cobbler. But, she would only make it for her brother, and yes, that bugged me. I would have to go over to his house just to get a piece and I always got a big piece and second helpings.  What made things worse, I hated to waste anything, especially food. She would make those Sunday dinners and my two boys would never eat anything, just call me the human food, never, waste-anything, eat the leftovers, dad.

1980, my first year of marriage

            In the 10 years I was married, at the end,  I weighed in at about 270 pounds. When I left I went back into the gym, which was free for Ford Motor employees. I was there for lunch and after work, six days a week. By the end of 1990 I was down to 190 pounds and I stayed there for, maybe, five years or so.

            During the 90s I was in and out of relationships, but nothing meaningful, so the weight stayed about the same until 1996 or 97, I can’t remember what year, but that is when my department moved to a new building. In that new building was a brand new gym, a state of the art facility. But, the gym didn’t open for quite a few months after we moved in. So, in the meantime I lost my edge to hang out in the gym. I, again, don’t remember what I got up to but I am guessing around 240 pounds.

            But then the gym opened and I again spent my lunch and after work time working out. I got down to my best, what I think I have ever been, 225. And gym staff thought I was too skinny. But, I had put on about 25 pounds of muscle. Well, I don’t know if that is right or not, I have worked out in a gym since I was about 15 years old, I would have to say that I rearranged  my muscle mass around. I think I looked great then, especially my shoulders, arms, chest and legs. I couldn’t do anything with my stomach because I had surgery as a child and they did a bad job of putting me back together.

            Anyway, in 2001 I met a woman and I stayed with her until 2004, when I asked her to leave. But by then I had put on almost 30 pounds, I had gotten up over 250 pounds. Of course, in January of 2005 (yes I made a resolution, one of many) I hit the gym and again kept my weight down and playing racquetball helped a lot. At the end of 2005 I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

            That took a lot out of me, then. In 2006 I was still playing racquetball but I was in the gym for maybe one or two days a week. During that time it was announced that Ford was offering Buyouts, and with enough time, one could retire. But, they, my department, would only allow 12 people, considering there were 40 of us working there, to take the buyout.  For a few months we fought as to who would stay and who wanted to go. Even though I had saved about 60k and would have gotten 40k for the buyout, I really wanted to stay. But, as I was feeling, I was going to go anyway.

            Around the end of April it was announced that everyone could go. My vacation was in June and I decided to take the entire month off because my surgery was scheduled for June 30^th and I was to retire July 1^st.

            After the surgery I joined Lifetime Fitness only because they gave Ford employees a discount. I was there for a year when I realized that the place wasn’t for me. So, I quit and that was the end of me working out…then.

            All during that time I kind of got back up there, around, give or take, 250 pounds. In 2009 I got into another relationship, she really looked good, and I was still kind of pokey. In that one year we were together we went to dinner just about every week and I cooked for her. She kind of just threw everything in the microwave to cook and most dinners at her house was soup with crackers.

2009, the relationship fervor

            Anyway, not only did I pick up weight, she got huge. I was walking every day, but eating more, so I wasn’t losing anything. Now that I think about it, I had joined a small local gym, it was antiquated but it helped a little and I was walking for those past three years or so.  We broke up in 2010, but I didn’t go back to the gym until March of 2011.

            My doctor told me that my cholesterol was high, my blood pressure was high and everything else was high. I know me and I knew what I had to do. I joined Planet Fitness and I worked out hard all that year, until…

            In October of 2011 I caught some kind of “cold”? Upper respiratory infection, flu... I caught something. I had to go to the doctor to find out what was going on. I was given a “Z” pack and in about 5 days I was better. My breathing wasn’t great, but I still played racquetball the next week. Anyway, I just couldn’t get back into the gym; I gained 14 pounds since that day of illness.

            Is this going to be a resolution or just maintain my fitness schedule? You can call it a resolution, if you want, but it has always been part of my life, I just have to do better at it. I started my fast this week, but am only going until Friday the 6^th. And then I MUST hit the gym again so I can maintain or else. Or is it time for another relationship? 

RESOLUTIONS

            Today is January 1, 2012, a windy and cold evening, just the way I like it, sort of. I am thinking of throwing some logs in the fireplace and grab a nice tall glass of wine. But, that’s another story.

            I had a great week or I should say it’s been great since Thanksgiving. But the more I think about it this has been a wonderful, great year. Productive in the things I did to have fun. The biggest event that made me truly happy, my son got married to his longtime girlfriend. I now raise my glass, of wine, (I’m sipping a glass now) in salute to that union.

            I, more or less, had a great deal of fun, even though I didn’t do much travel this year. In 2005 I said that I would take an international trip on my birthday every year, missed it this year. Anyway, I got a new bike and was riding about 15 miles just about every day. I hooked up with a new thing, kayaking. I will get a new kayak this year or burst.

            Not only that my softball team won again, but we lost in the final game and came in second place. But I had a heck of time. I got back into racquetball, bowling and I got back into the gym.

            In January of 2011 my doctor said that all of my blood chemistry was bad and he was going to put me on drugs to lower my cholesterol and blood pressure. One thing about me is that I do not like taking drugs. I figure that I can do my body good by exercise, and meditation. I told my doctor I would do something on my own, he said come back in three months and get another check-up.

            I worked hard, at the gym, and in three months, after I got my check-up my cholesterol dropped from 249 to 192. But, I had given up coffee, beer and all sweet stuff. My blood work came back and everything had dropped significantly. And I had gotten back to running a mile, out of 2 miles, which I hadn’t done in five years. Funny thing though, when I saw my heart doctor in August of 2010, I was told, by the nurses, to give up the above habits. When I saw the doctor in August of 2011, he told me that he never said I had to give up those things. Hold on while I take another sip of this Shiraz wine.

            I also did something I hadn’t done in many years, camping. It was kind of a bust because it rained cats, dogs and a couple of army tanks. My tent had flooded, so I spent at least an hour trying to clean out the sand and water. Then I couldn’t sleep because we, the group I went with, pitched our tents on the beach. Well, that night, the waves crashed onto the shore so loud it was impossible to sleep. Then I had to get up early that morning and go on a 20 mile bike ride. I diffidently will go camping this year and the next.

            On the other hand, though, there were a few disappointments this past year, too. But, just a few and I turned them into lemonade. A couple problems were because of my family and they will just have to live with or, without me. One really big hurt, my nephew, in October had a crash. He went to the hospital because of numbness in his hand. After a few test, he was diagnosed with a tumor, this size of a golf ball in his brain, smashing his optic nerve. But, before he went under the knife he called me and asked if he could stay with me…he said I was the cool uncle, go figure.

            A good many years ago, when my sons were in their pre-teens, my nephew spent the summers with me and I did that for, well a few more years. We did quite a few things together, so I got that label, the cool uncle. Again, that’s another story.

            Anyway, my nephew moved into my spare bedroom and started to get better, which was surprising. I say this because he was able to do things that should have taken many more months, even the doctors were astonished, and that was a good thing. The only thing I wish that the doctor had done was cut his mouth nerve, that boy will not shut up! Our discussions are, is appears, to be more philosophical than anything else. But, I have to give it to him, he is an intelligent kid, but I’d give anything to shut him up!

             Yes, today is the first of January and it’s that time that one has a boat load of “resolutions”. I am not one of those people, though, who does resolutions, well, not sort of. I say this because; if I make a resolution I am not going to keep it. It’s just the way it has been all of my life. So, I just incorporate things into my life and try and get them done. It’s the only way to get things done. A few of the things I plan to do this year and beyond:

1.      Have fun!

2.      Have more fun!

3.      Get my novel published!

4.      Finish my second book of poems!

5.      Finish my third book of poems!

6.      Write in my blog at least once a week!

7.      Did I mention HAVE FUN?!

8.      Work on my second novel and finish it!

9.      FIND AN AGENT!!!! Or at least a manager.

10.  Sell all those books I acquired, at a yard sale (over 300 books)!

11.  Did I mention, find an agent?!

12.  Finish outlining those 42 novel ideals I created years and years ago.

13.  Get my businesses running with two ideas that just popped into my head this past month!!

14.  I know I have more stuff to do this year…

15.  Market myself, my books, my web site me!

Anyway, I know I have more stuff to do, like, repair a lot of things in this house. I have been here for about eight years, now, and things are failing, falling apart, just wearing down and breaking. And, heck, just have so more fun this year. I know I would love to have a book signing this year, heck, a couple. I will be setting that up within the next month or so. So many things so little time and I better get to stepping, because I am going to have fun in 2012 or else! Happy New Year!! Peace (on Earth)!

Fall...Darn it!

Today is November 11, 2011 and it’s a beautiful autumn afternoon, considering that the leaves are still falling and it’s getting colder in the morning. All in all I love days like today. Yes, I love the smell of falling leaves in the morning! If there is such a thing, I’d love it anyway.

I decided to go out yesterday and rake up the leaves. Did you know that I have almost 5,000 square feet of property and I have only one tree on it, but my front yard is filled with leaves? I was hoping, the other day, when it was really windy that the leaves would blow away, but that didn’t happen.

I had to get out and rake em up yesterday because, yesterday, my neighbor got out and mulched her leaves, from her tree, leaving a line where her yard and my yard meet. That just looked weird. So, I didn’t want to lie around the house and do nothing so I got up and started on those leaves.

At that point I became a Leaf Wrangler! It’s kind of funny that when ever I rake the leaves I think of me being a leaf wrangler. For those that don’t know a wrangler is…well if you ever watch a move where there are animals in it? Well, the person who Shepherds the animals around is called an animal wrangler.

Now if I had a sheep dog he would herd the sheep or in this case, the leaves. Anyway, I got my lawnmower out and put on the bag-thingy. I figured I would just mulch and bag the leaves. As I went down one side of the yard I noticed that all I was doing was pushing the leaves around in front of the lawnmower.

So, I figured that wasn’t going to work right. So, I pulled out my trusty leaf wrangler machine, I mean, the leaf blower and started to wrangle those leaves, I mean, blow those leaves into a big pile.

Of course this means that I would have to finish the old-fashioned way, with a rake and broom. I herded those leaves into a pile, a big pile, and then thought to myself, when I was a kid didn’t I jump into the pile, for what ever reason. Gasp, I am an old dude now, but I did it anyway. After a few seconds, and more thoughts, I thought I had better get out of the leaves because someone might think that I had a heart attack or something.

Anyway, as cool as it was, 44 degrees, I started to get hot. That’s hard work raking up leaves. I wanted to take my hoodie off but knowing me I probably would have gotten sick or something considering I don’t get sick, often. So I just took the heat.

 I did notice one thing; there were still bugs out there! When do those Mother…shut my mouth, die? All they did was try to fly into my eyes or up my nose, one of them finally did. I had to run inside and blow my nose. I guess it got out before I blew it in to that wet napkin. All that hard work was attracting them. I am glad I was covered from head to toe!

Well, it only took me 90 minutes to complete that task. But, I know I am going to have to get out there and do more because the trees on both sides of my house are only 25% emptied! Besides, I still have the back yard to do. I am so looking forward to that. I think I am going to take a nap, as soon as I finish this. Oh well…

            

            Today is October 17, 2011 and I guess autumn is here to stay, well, at least until December 21^st. It was 43 degrees this morning, and even though I had my window open all night I was as snug as a bug in a rug. I had taken my down blanket out and have been using it for the past week. I decided that I am not going to turn on the heat until it gets cold. Well, the heat is on, but it has been staying warm enough, in the house, so that the heat really doesn’t have a chance to come on.

            I kind of have been feeling under the weather for the last three weeks or so. I can down with, maybe, an URI. I went to Urgent Care two weeks ago got some meds and felt better after about a week. I went and played racquetball, but I couldn’t really catch my breath. I had a whole lot of energy, but no breath. Lost all my games that day, but I played hard.

            Now, my throat just hurt, more like scratchy. I got my cough syrup and cough drops and I am ready to go. Gotta play racquetball tomorrow, I just hope I can breathe. And to top it off I haven’t been to the gym in about four weeks. I want to go back and probably will this coming Wednesday. I just feel weird all around, because of not working out.

Anyway, speaking of weird, I have been meaning to write all the weird stuff I have seen or gone though, the past two week down but haven’t done so, for some mysterious reason. So, here it is as I have remembered.

            Anyway, I had to go to the supermarket and get some supplies; it looks to be a long winter for me. I decided to get some cereal and noticed that the store had a 2 for sale. I walked in the aisle and noticed three little kids and their father doing the cereal thing. They had on T-shirts and shorts.

            But that’s not the weird thing. In the aisle was a woman, looking at the cereal boxes. I had to stop and look at her for a moment because she had a winter coat on, a large, long and thick red scarf and a thick red wool cap on. The scarf was covering her mouth and nose and you could only see her eyes.

            I wanted to say something but I just looked at her. Besides she was in the spot where my favorite cereal was located. I saw something else, a little beyond her and went and got it. As I went back to my cart the lady pulled her scarf from her face and asked me if I could reach the only and last box of cereal, of her choice, on the shelf.

            I agreed and got it for her, but it was what I liked too. So, I told her, kidding of course, that I was taking it. She kind of laughed and I handed to her. But, I had to ask anyway…I said to her, “Is it that cold in the store?”

            She kind of giggled and said, “I can’t breathe the air outside.”

I responded, “Okay, then why are you outside?” She pulled her scarf back up over her face and walked away.

I also started bowling about six ago. Anyway, this past Sunday, and I gotta figure out what the heck I am doing or my team mates are going to kick me off the team before I quit. I bowled a 139, first game, 168 the second game and a 161 the last game. I am getting frustrated to no means end. I gotta get focused. Now if I can remember what I did that week so I can bowl better this next Sunday. And to top it off, I still couldn’t catch my breath.

Other than that, only one other weird thing happened last week, well, not really weird. But it is becoming more common as it gets colder, as I sat on my bed, to put my socks on so I could go out and get my mail, I looked out the window at the lake across the street and I saw a bunch of deer.

They stopped, in the opening, and looked around for a few seconds…where is my camera when I needed it, or for that matter, my cell phone camera. They were gone a few seconds later. I gotta remember to keep that phone with me. When I first moved into my house I saw deer, maybe three of them, in my backyard. And in the last couple of months, as I run I have seen them along the lake. Maybe I should carry my camera with me when I run. Oh well…

Today is October 14, 2011 and I have had my Motorola Droid Bionic for a few days less than 30 days, now. After 18 months I replace my original Motorola Droid with the Bionic. I would have to say, I like it, but…

To be honest with you, there are only a few things that are different between the two. And those few things are what I like about the new Bionic. I like the fact that it’s a lot slimmer and has a larger screen, 4.3 inches qHD display versus 3.7 for the Droid, and The Bionics’ screen is a lot brighter and easier on the eyes, considering I still have to wear my glasses to see it.

Another thing I like about this phone, it’s on Verizon’s 4G LTE network. Don’t ask me what that mean, this is the 21^st century and that’s the way it is for now or until the next incarnation of speed for smartphones come into fruition. I mean this phone is fast. Unlike my old Droid, I downloaded most of my apps; I would have to say more than 25 in about 5 minutes. It would have taken all day at 3G speeds.

One of the killers, it seems, is battery life. I know my old Droid I could charge it up all night, unplug it at 7 a.m. and the charge would last until about 7 p.m. or about 12 hours. Now, that usually amounts to about one 10 minute phone call, a half-hour of games, maybe an hour on the internet, using Wi-Fi and the phone would have been drained. And if I had to go out on the road, let’s say the park, the battery would die by 1p.m.

In the month that I have had my New Bionic, I have taken note, the battery has lasted up to 17 hours and still had 10 percent or more of a charge left. Even out on the road I get a longer battery life. But, now that I think about it, I use my phone over Wi-Fi, because I am retired and five days out of the week I am usually at home. Well, besides going to the gym every day and the supermarket and stuff like that. All in all this is the best battery life I have had on any of the phones I have had in the last, well since I had my first cell phone.

One of the things that just burns my whistle, the camera. There is a noticeable shutter lag, meaning when you push the button you have about a second or two before it takes the picture. Even though it has an 8 megapixel camera versus 5 megapixels for the Droid, I think the pictures look about the same. The quality is very good, if I don’t say so myself. But the lag sometimes causes the pictures to blur, and I don’t think is takes macro photos. Not sure about that, I am going to have to read more about it in the manual. I know my old Droid did.

I read in a review, on Cnet.com, that they were hesitant in recommending the Droid Bionic because of the cost of the phone, which starts at $299.99 with a two-year contract with Verizon. But, I got a bunch of discounts and got my phone for $219.99, not bad. But what really attracted me to this phone, the accessories! I love the fact that it comes with a laptop dock, that’s what turned me on to this phone, but the laptop dock cost $299.99, which is far lower than the laptop dock that comes with ATT’s Atrix which cost $500!

One of the things that I hated about my old Droid, it only had 512MB of ROM and only 256MB of ram, but it did come with a 16GB memory card. The only problem with that, most apps couldn’t be put onto the memory card, so it was short on what apps you could add. I had to delete a lot of apps just to use a newer app. And its slide out keyboard was crappy, I couldn’t type on it to save my life, my fingers were just too big. But, you could use the virtual keyboard, which I liked anyway.

The Droid Bionic doesn’t come with a slide out keyboard, it has a virtual keyboard. What makes it handy it is loaded with Swype another app I love. You can type with one finger using Swype. The Bionic also comes with a 16GB memory card and 16GB of internal memory! I love it! I can add a 32GB card, if I have the money for one, also. But I am fine with what I have so far. I don’t think I have to add more apps. I like what I have now, but there is room, just in case.

So far a better phone, but it, as it seems, probably will change. Every year there is a newer phone on the market that will change everything that I expect in a phone. I have a two year contract so I will be happy with this one for a while. I would guess the only thing that will out do the Droid Bionic will be if they come out with a phone that you wear on your arm with a 3-D image. I can’t wait for that.

What is success?

Someone asked me this question the other day; it's an interesting subject. What is success and what does it means to me? Or as it was put to me, "How do YOU define success? NOT what do you think SOCIETY thinks success is, but deep down in your gut what does the word "success" mean to you?

In reality, I don't know what to tell you on this subject, success. Because I don't and have never been a success, in my eyes. I have lived a truly uneventful life, a linear life. No real big ups, no real big downs. Okay, a couple of ups and downs. Big up, the birth of my children. The big down, finding out I had cancer.

In fact I could even say I am a big scaredy cat. Not in the sense that I run from big bad scary things, that's not me. I will defend myself, help others, if need be and at least try and stand in the face of adversity.

I guess what I mean by me being a scaredy cat, when it comes to starting something, let's says a business, or, a new venture or a job; I get scared and may back down. I say this because every time I start on that road to success I ask myself, why? And take another road so that I don't get burnt along the way.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have lived an exemplary life! I have enjoyed it; I wouldn't change anything I have done. Maybe perfect a few things, a tweak, a tweak there, maybe save a little more, have one more child, a girl; I guess I can forget that now, having another child. I have loved me and my life.

But success for me, fleeting? I wanted to go to medical school, but quit because I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write but kept saying to myself, I have a job. So, I lost many, many years. Now, at 58 and retired, I can only look to the future and hope I can succeed. Can I be a success? At this point in my life, only God knows.

Looking "deep" into my gut, I can never define "success" because I have never come within reach of it. Have I succeeded in life, well, is that's a different question. To that I can say, still being alive, I have succeeded in life.

I have seen success but it comes with different results. My brother, for instance was head of security for Air Force One, under President Clinton. To me that is a success. My Sister is a surgeon, but it took all of her life to get there, I guess she could be considered a success in her field. But, I know her and she is a mess with everything else in her life. As are quite a few other doctors I know.

Of course there are a lot of people, in the world, who are successes. Donald Trump, Oprah Winfrey comes to mind. But, how hard was it for them to obtain that success? Can anyone do what they did to get to where those two are now? There are over 300 million people in this country, but there are only 10% of those who I could consider success (rich?? Wealthy?!). Which doesn't necessary go hand in hand. You don't have to be rich or wealthy to be successful. Or at least in my opinion.

I guess I could go on and on, but I have the feeling that if you asked a target number of people, which is about one percent, you'll probably get a different answer, every time, on what's one persons take on, "what is success and how do they define it".

I have the feeling that success is something that you will have to achieve by yourself. At that point in time you will know. And all that information you have gathered from others may be meaningless because your success will be yours, so different from everyone else.

I am still looking though. I have written a book, had it published and have been trying to sell it for the last year. Book two, another book of poems, is finished and now I have to edit and input it into my computer again. But, those are books of poems. My “success” I hope will come with the books of fiction which are sitting here on my desk and have been for quite some time.

Is success fleeting? If you don’t grab hold of its coat-tails you might make it, if you miss, well…

Valentine's Day

My birthday is coming up in 3 days and I’ll be 58 whole years old, and today is Valentine’s Day. I have been meaning to write about this for a while, so I guess today is just as good as any other day. I have been trying to find things to write about but I didn’t know my life was this boring. Well, actually it isn’t but I do have dry spells every now and then.

I probably will have another boring Valentine’s Day, but it is an overpriced commercially created day. And since I have been divorced for the 20 years, 2 months, 2 days, 4 hours, 53 minutes and a few odd seconds ago, I really haven’t participated.

I was in a doomed relationship from 2002 to 2004. And if I didn’t buy her something I probably would have gotten my head ripped off or have green pea soup spit on me as her head spun around…and in another failed relationship, from 2009 to 2010, I did manage to make it through two Valentine Days.

There was once a question going around and I got asked every so often; the question revolved around as to why I was single. I have quite a few answers and I am going to stick with every one of them, but there are two that really stuck out. The first one is relatively resent. I had a single traumatic episode that occurred in my life in December of 2005. That’s when I found out I had Prostate Cancer.

I had the surgery, the last day of June, 2006, to remove my prostate. I was told that I could have a “normal” sex life after about a year. So, I waited. But, late into 2006 I questioned my Urologist and he told me that a “normal” sex life could only happen if I got an implant or used those blue pill are something like them. But, as it was, nothing worked. Not the blue pills, green pills, yellow or orange pills

This is because; those pills are effective and only work for those who have had other circulatory problems, like diabetes or heart disease. They don’t work if you had your prostate removed. I even got into an argument with a couple of MySpace “friends” because they said that those remedies worked for their friends.

What bothered me was the fact that when I told women that I wanted to get to know them better and the conversation led to sex, I told them my problem and I never heard from them again. I still tell potential suitors and still get the same reaction. So, there is my reason for me still being single.

But, in 2009 I met someone from one of those local online dating services; she was a fantastic person, a very good person. I told her my problem and she accepted it, considering that I found out about those toys I never knew about and were expensive, but my insurance paid for them. But, as with everybody I’ve been with, (I am not perfect by any means), she had a couple of fatal flaws. Besides being a very high maintenance woman, she wanted to be like her daughter and wanted someone to take care of her, which I didn’t mind, but that is a two way street, and it was only going one way, her way. I can say that I had two wonderful Valentine days, though.

I really don’t think I am asking for too much, but I know I was trying too hard to maintain a relationship. I think that started in about 2001 when I met that crazed woman. I didn’t know she was that crazed at the time, but truly found out later. Anyway, I really bent over backward to make her happy and all I did was break my back bending backward. Needless to say, that was a relationship that was doomed from the beginning.

Everyone after that I tried being super, way too nice with. I think that was my downfall because I had to keep a clamp on my lips, sit on my hands anything I could from not blowing up at the things women did to “please” their man. The last relationship was the killer. I just couldn’t do it anymore, be with someone who had their own best interest in mind.

I guess being retired and having a fixed income didn’t help either. But the more I looked into myself I could see that it also didn’t help that I remembered what had happened to my parents. I didn’t want to go through what they did, “for the sake of the children”, per se.

Since I retired I have seen the light, stopped to smell the roses, calmed down, enjoyed life and found peace of mind, I am at peace with myself. I will not let someone come into my life and destroy what took me 53 years to finally figure out and the last five years enjoying it.

My mother was a strong woman; she stood up for herself and her children. During those turbulent times my parents argued day in and day out and I think that took something out of me. I refused to argue with that crazed woman; she told me that all people “need” to argue, her shrink mentioned that to her, I wasn’t going to do that.

In my younger years I was a strong man, kind of arrogant, stubborn, hard-headed, big-headed, and superior, or at least in my own mind I was. I guess it took marriage and two sons to slow me down, but my marriage lasted only 10 years. I took in all that I was doing wrong and tried to make myself into a new person.

That’s when all the “stuff” hit the fan and I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had come to the conclusion that I was doing nothing wrong or right for that matter, I was just picking the wrong women.

So now I sit here writing about Valentine’s Day, or lack thereof, for me, on this sanctimonious day.

I enjoy my life now, and the people I associate with and my friends and everything about it. There is a lot more to me; I’m like an onion, many layers and have figured out that it’s hard to open up and peel some of those layers away. I would like to say I blame my parents for that, but…I know me, I know what I need to do…And to be honest, I really don’t think I can do it again because everyone is different and want different things in their lives.

I’ve realized one thing, as of late, it’s better to be single than to be in a wrong relationship. And I now see that I am happier for it. **Smile!**

Movie Night

Today is February 3, 2011 and there are 13 more days until my birthday. But that isn’t why I am writing today, I am also a movie buff. I love quite a few different genres of movies. Well, not in the sense of those I have seen who have thousands and thousands of movies in their collection or have memorized every word or scene of a movie. No, that’s not me, close but no cigar.

But I do have a bunch of movies; I am guessing about 200 DVDs and 400 or so Video tapes, and now, 10 Blu-Ray discs. I love Dramas, Adventure and my Favorite, Science Fiction! I have quite a few based in science fiction. But I welcome all movies. And with my new 55 inch HDTV and new Blu-Ray player watching movies are a dream. Not going get a 3D TV any time soon, though, even though the Blu-Ray player is 3D ready.

Today was one of those days where I felt I didn’t want to do much of anything. It was either take a long nap or watch a movie. I did end up taking a nap earlier, but that was during the news. I wanted to be awake to watch Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, later tonight. Thanks goodness the Pistons or the Red Wings are not playing tonight, or for that matter Michigan State or Michigan. Heck, the Pistons lost last night anyway.

Anyway, I decided to pop in The Green Mile. I hadn’t watched in a long time, even though I have on tape, I recently brought in on DVD. So, I am talking about quite a few years, since I saw the movie. I think it is one of my all time great movies to watch. I have a bunch of great movies, in fact all of those I have are great, and that’s why I brought them.

But, the Green Mile is special. It is one of the only movies that I get tears in my eyes. I feel for the character, played by Michael Clark Duncan. It gets me every time. One of the things I think of when I watch that movie, “Why can’t I write like that?”

I guess I gotta stop taking days off from my writing and get to stepping! Cuz, I will never write like Stephen King, (I don’t want to be like him or write like him, I want my own words to stand up for themselves) if I don’t write. I won’t forget that tomorrow, and I have a bunch to write before I go to bed tonight. Write on!

A Friend in need...?

Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"

- Bronwyn Polson

I take my friendships seriously, and always will. A few of my friends have been friends since high school. In fact, I was browsing through some photos that I found in a box in the basement. I noticed a particular photo of a friend that I hadn’t seen since that photo was taken in 1975; he disappeared, as far as I knew.

When I saw that photo of him and his mother, I did a search on the good old Internet and found his name online. I sent him an email and about a month later I got an answer. He had left for New York to join a singing group, The Platters, and has been with them ever since. We have been talking ever since, reminiscing all of the things we did with our small group of friends way back in the late 60s and early 70s.

With the inception of the Internet and social media like MySpace, Facebook and the first network I joined, Black Planet, friends are a dime a dozen. Back when I joined MySpace, at its height, with me, I got up to a little over 1,000 friends, internet friends. Of course I didn’t know any of those folks. I came to the conclusion that people were just looking for other people to be friends just to boost their numbers.

Years later, I decided to drive across the country, I was going to two bowling tournament on both ends of the country. I put in a note, on MySpace, the direction I was going and where I would be during my drive so I could meet those who wanted to meet me. And those I met are now good friends.

This brings me to my story of friends. I have a friend; I sometimes think he is a friend, sometimes it’s too close to call. He and I have known each other since the 80s, because we worked together, in the same building, but different shifts. But, since there was only the two of us we worked overtime, on Saturdays, together. We did that for a good 10 years or so.

I like a lot about this friend of mine, easy going kind of guy. A short, stout, fireplug type of guy. He was fast to give out money to women he met, even though he was married, then brag to me about it. What stood out about him was that, as he would tell it, he stopped going to school when he was about 8 years old, living in Mississippi and moved in with an aunt, up north. During his life he learned to make money collecting junk and turning it in to cash.

Knowing him now, I would have to say, on paper, he might be worth three quarters of a million dollars, on paper. He complains about all the money he doesn’t have, but will go out and buy something, expensive, and tell me what he just purchased. I know he has five houses, here in Michigan and a couple in Mississippi, all of which he paid cash for. He has about 13 or more cars, quite a few new and a lot older classic models, including, which I would love to buy from him and restore myself, a 1931 Ford.

Anyway, on one of my trips to California, for a cancer seminar, and on my return I stopped at his place. I miscalculated the amount of money I had, because gasoline was over $4 a gallon, and was running out. I had about 1,000 miles left to go and figured I wasn’t going to make it home. So, I asked him and borrowed $100 to get home.

At that point in my life I knew I was going to run out of money sooner or later, as I had retired, a couple of years before, and I knew I would have to find a job or write and sell a book or something to get by. Consider, my 401 had crashed, lost my stocks and the cash I had helped save my house, leaving with no more reserves.

Things got worse for me in the year or so that followed and I had a hard time finding some extra to pay him back. Prior to that time, the loan, we had talked just about every day, just talked and I mean for at least an hour or so. He retired the year before I did and we kept in touch. After the loan he stopped calling and when I called he was busy or had something to do or whatever. The calls got shorter and then non-existent. For a whole year I hear nothing from him, not even a Christmas card, which was the first time I didn’t get one from him.

This past December I got a bonus from my former company, (a total surprise to me). So, I sent him a Christmas card with a C-note inside. I called him and told him to look for the letter I sent. Well, he got the card about Christmas time and he called to tell me he received it. Now, since he got the cash back he has called me at least 6 times. In fact, he called today and we talked for a good hour, general stuff. Go figure.

Never in my life have I ever wanted to take advantage of anyone, ever. That’s just not my way. Some friendships are hard and trust is even harder to get. I work hard to get both, sometimes I work way to hard and I have to say it can backfire, sometimes, especially if I am trying to make something work with a, let’s say, a girlfriend. But, that’s another story I’m about to write about.

I am glad we are chatting again. I guess the lesson I learned is; the richest man in the world is not the one who still has the first dollar he ever earned. It's the man who still has his best friend. Even better; it is better in times of need to have a friend rather than money.