Never, never, ever say...

Fred Green: "I heard someone say, you should never say what else could go wrong. My coffee maker died this morning and I said to myself what else could go wrong? Well my glasses broke now I can't see, more or less I can't read anything. Oh well Life Goes On, I mean, what else could go wrong?"



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Coffee, Oh Coffee...

 "I'm gonna die!! My coffee maker is dead, dead, dead!! I'm gonna die!"

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Coffee, black and...cover your lady parts.

On my way to a café, the other day, in one of those towns where the uber hipsters hang out, I thought I’d park my car a little further away so I could get a little refreshing walk in. I crossed the street and made a quick left, heading to the café in the middle of the block.

Ahead of me were two young women. One of them had a head of bright blond hair with dark brown streaks in it, topped with a blue thingy wrapped around her hair ending in a long ponytail. She had on a colorful; I don’t know what you call it, a Halter top that exposed her belly button and a blue, short skirt that had frills on the ends near her knees. On her feet were beige-colored platform style shoes with straps that went up her ankles.

All of a sudden, she rolled her ankle, tripped and went down. She rolled over on her butt and as I walked to her to help her up, I noticed that she had no underwear on. It seemed like an eternity as I reached for her hand to help her up. She looked at me for a moment and said, “Did you like what you saw?”

I said, “No. You could use a trim or a Brazilian, maybe, or dye it the same as what’s on your head.” I smiled, and turned into the café. I then ordered a coffee, black, no sugar or cream. I wanted a brownie, but they didn’t have any that day, so I got one of those large, soft, chocolate chip cookie. I went and sat down on a vacant sofa and waited for my comrades to come. I was going to read some of my poetry, that day.

I was just about to get comfy when that young lady marched over to me. She stood there for a second then bent over to say something to me that only I could have heard.

“Are you some kind of pervert?” She said…her eyes wide, her face almost expressionless. I was shocked, but only for a second or two.

Looking dead into her eyes I said, “Youngster, I have seen, touch, tasted, and played with over xxx women in my lifetime. I am over xx years old and that,” pointing at her crotch, “doesn’t excite me as much as it did when I was your age.” I looked up at her and smiled, then added, “Besides, a pervert would have had a camera and took plenty of pictures. My camera was in my pocket.”

She straightened up and put her hands on her hips. I noticed the corner of her lip started to erect into a tiny smile. I figured she wanted to burst out laughing, but she didn’t. She turned and started to walk out of the café. I noticed, as she walked away, her rear end was sashaying, a definite prominence that she didn’t have as she was walking down the street. 

At that moment I realized, I had lied to her. Something I don’t do often, fibbing, not telling the truth. I did get excited, just a little, a tiny bit. Just enough to let me know, I’m still human.

Forty-five minutes later, as I sat listening to one of my friends read their poems, that youngster walked back onto the café, over to me and whispered into my ear, “can I get a ride home?”

Are K-cups a bad idea?

I am a coffee lover. I love the taste and smell of coffee. I wasn’t a big coffee drinker until I retired in 2006. Before that time, when our department moved into a new building, I would have one, maybe 2 eight ounce cups a day. And that was only because I was the first one in the building and I made the coffee, and we had one of those large two pot coffee makers. Of course the coffee was fresh and always I got the first cup.

When I retired I found out about Gevalia coffee, so I subscribed and was delighted with the flavors they offered. On one hand, I really don’t care about the flavors, per se, because I really, really love the taste of black, dark roast coffee. On the other hand having different flavors spiced up my day. But, to be honest, I really craved the Breakfast blend, and the French roast.

At that time my only problem was, I didn’t know how to make a smaller pot of coffee. I would make one pot and I would finish it in an hour or so. This went on for quite a while and what made it worse, my son who was living with me, after work he would bring home those little donut balls. In the morning I would feast on coffee and donut balls.

The donut balls continued until my son joined the navy and my sugar level got high enough to cause alarm. The pot of coffee continued until 2012 when my coffee pot burnt out and was virtually useless. I then had to go out to the local coffee shop and get a large cup of their breakfast blend. My other son gave me a one cup coffee maker and I kind of liked the idea, one cup. But that device died within a couple of weeks, considering it had been sitting on the top of my kitchen shelf for quite a while.

In the meantime I couldn’t keep my thoughts off of the Keurig coffee maker. The one I wanted was expensive, to me, but I had to have it. For some reason, I don’t remember what, I got a check from my old company, so that day I went and purchased a Keurig Special Edition Brewing System, it was a decent price. Of course there were cheaper coffeemakers out there, but I just liked the way this machine looked.

All in all I thought this was a great coffeemaker and it came with a box of 12 of those K-cup packs. They were great for, 12 cups of coffee. And those pack piled up, in the trash, as luck would have it I believe in recycling. The one thing that troubled me was; those K-cups packs were expensive.

Expensive, yes, running anywhere from 60 cents apiece to, depending on the company that provided the K-cup pack, up $1.20 apiece. What made it so bad was the Keurig Brewing system I purchased only had three cup settings with the largest being only an 8oz cup. All my cups are 16 ounces. Adding an additional insult to me, those K-cup packs can only be used once! So, I would have to use two packs for one cup of coffee.

To me, this was expensive, wasteful and a stupid idea. I did find out, a couple of months later that there was a device, Keurig My K-Cup Reusable Coffee Filter that would fit into the coffeemaker and you could use your own coffee. And, even if coffee was, the cheapest being around $7.00 for one of those large one pound cans of coffee, to which you can get up to 90 cups of coffee per container.

I purchased the device from Amazon.com for only $5! The shipping and handling was $6, though. I later figured out that I could have a great cup of coffee even if I used the same coffee twice, in the filter, to fill my 16 ounce coffee cup. I felt that was much better. I was really on the verge of getting rid of my Keurig coffeemaker and getting a good old fashioned coffee maker that makes one whole pot at a time.

Now that I think about it, though, I am still drinking about a pot a day anyway. But, I love coffee, I love the taste of coffee, and I love waking up in the morning to the smell of coffee brewing. I also love my Keurig coffeemaker. In the past nine months I have had no problems with it, well except the coffee cup selection, but I have gotten over that, now. Coffee, coffee, coffee, you gotta love it! I do!