Things Kids say...or how to make breakfast for your kids

I was watching America’s Favorite Videos, this morning, (I DVR’d it) and that particular show had a compilations of videos, in regard to, what kids say. That got me to thinking, what did my children say…some thirty years ago? I got a ton of stuff, so I wrote down some and most I just remembered.

Like one time my sister was in town and hadn’t seen my oldest son in a while, (then about seven), and said to him, “Darien, I see you are still sucking your finger.” He used to suck his two middle fingers. He answered with, “Yeah, I use to suck two fingers, I’m down to one a day, now.”

Or, what my youngest son mentioned, the one day I saw him riding in the street on his brand new bicycle, to which I won selling cookies and candy for his school. I yelled out, “Kris, if you keep riding in the street, I’m going to break your arm!” He retorted, as he rode by me, “that’s okay, I gotta another arm.”

Recently, while talking to my oldest, he said he would call me just about every day, now it’s down to once every other week or so, he mentions to me how hungry he is, after working a grueling eight hours. When he calls, he always tells me he is hungry.

Anyway, somehow we got into to talking about pancakes. Now, this isn’t the first time he has mentioned this to me, but now I am hearing that he tells everyone about how great my pancakes were when they were little. That got me thinking about when I started my boys on the path to pancakes.

After I got divorced, 27 years ago, I had the boys every other weekend and every summer. That meant I have to bathe, dress, feed and find some way to entertain them.

On the weekends I tended to sleep late or lock myself in my room and write or work in the backyard. My boys would let me do neither, peacefully or quietly.

At the time I still didn’t know a lot about raising kids, only because they never taught it in school. Babies are okay, I know how to feed them, change their diapers, and burp them. Older kids are something else. They have a mind of their own and that’s the scary part.

Anyway, here is an example of one of those weekends.

For some reason I stayed up until four a.m. to watch a great movie. At 8:38 a.m., I know this because I always look at the clock when I hear the sound of footsteps running up the stairs.

A body was either flung or jumped into the bed onto my body with enough force to expel the air from my lungs. With a couple of swipes of a tiny hand across my ear, I woke up long enough to get my sights on the tiny culprit.

He looked into my eyes and said, “I’m hungry! I want some pancakes!” A couple of years ago I started making the kids pancakes, yes, that’s right, I can cook, a little, even if what I cook is only instant. Anyway, after ten minutes of hopping on my back, racking my ears, and prying my eyes open I got up, put on my robe and went downstairs into the kitchen.

Kris jumped into his place at the kitchen table. I turned on the television so that his attention would be diverted from me. Thirty seconds after the TV came on, his brother, Darien, entered the room. Television was his life force.

He looked at me and said, “I want some pancakes!” I had created a monster. I directed him back to his room to put his cloths on, considering he only had underwear on, with strange cartoon characters on them.

While the boys were busy, I dug through the cabinet to get the pancake mix. After a few minutes I thought, “The heck with this…,” and pulled out the old standby, oatmeal, instant of course. Out of the blue Kris says, “I want some cereal.”

There wasn’t any of his favorite available, at the time; I usually do all my grocery shopping on Sunday. So, I made his some of my favorite, Shredded Wheat ‘n’ Brand and made some oatmeal for myself.

            “Daddy, I don’t want this.” Kris said.

            “What do you mean, Kris?” I countered.

            “I want oatmeal.” He said.

I took the shredded wheat; thank goodness I didn’t put any sugar on it, and gave him the oatmeal. After one spoonful, he said, and I quote, “Daddy, could you pick out the bugs!” It had raisins and walnuts in it.

By that time Darien had returned the kitchen, “I want peaches and cream.” He said. So, I made him a bowl and made a little more for Kris, after picking out the raisins and walnuts.

            I fixed the rest of the breakfast, juice and toast, and then went downstairs to the family room to close my eyes. No such luck, Kris finished and joined me. He jumped on me and started to rack my ears again. So, I put a movie in the VCR, the one I watched, I mean, slept through, again.

            It was about that time I had finally figured out what I was doing and thought I’d share it with all you first time fathers, and those of you who have been around awhile and don’t know what to do on Saturday mornings.

            It’s quite possible I can give you a little insight, that is, for all of you who have not taken the time to learn how to make breakfast. Now, you have to make sure you follow these instructions in order. And if you miss one step go back over the list again until you get it right. I guarantee you’ll be happy and your boys, okay, girls too, will be happy.

            Step 1: First, don’t stay up late Friday night if you know the kids will there for that weekend.

            Step 2: Set up everything in the kitchen the day, or night before they get there on Saturday, like eggs? Take a guess as to how many you think you will need. Milk, for the pancakes, water, if using instant, butter, jelly, syrup, etc.

            Step 3: Make sure you have enough cereal and oatmeal, with and without raisins to satisfy your youngsters. Oh, and pancake mix too, that is, if you feel like making it, if you didn’t stay up late on Friday night.

            Step 4: Get up early enough to do what you have to do to wake up and clean yourself up, or, (Optional) the kids, then help them dress, the older kids can do this themselves.

            Step 5: If you followed step two you should have at least a carton of eggs lined up, depending on how many kids you are serving, sitting in front of you. Now, separate the eggs…not from other eggs, and place them in a bowl. Add a little milk or water; this gives the eggs a light yellow color, like in the restaurant. Beat the mixture until it’s well blended.

            Step 6: A small pan should already be on the stove, keep step two in mind. Put a pat of butter into the pan, for those of you who are a little health conscious, use Pam, then turn the burner to number five, medium if you are using gas.

            Step 7: Put a large skillet on the stove, step two guys! – On the right burner, if left handed, the left burner. Repeat step six.

            Step 8: Take the pancake mix out of the refrigerator, are you paying attention? Step two should be firmly planted in your minds by now, stir it, just a little so it will be ready to pour.

            Step 9: Okay, now pour the eggs into the small pan; the pan should now be hot and ready.

            Step 10: pour the pancake mix into the skillet, but make them no bigger than four inches, silver dollars sized if you feel lucky. This is so you can get more in the pan at one time. For those of you who feel a little macho this morning, you can make them at least as big as the pan. But, it’s easier to flip them when they are small and the kids will like that size too.

            Step 11: Your eggs should now be solid on the bottom. Now, lift the pan, then lift one edge of the eggs with a spoon and let the gooey part run underneath. Repeat the same thing on the other side of the egg. Where there is no more egg goo to run underneath, scramble them suckers.

            Step 12: By now your pancake should be done on one side. With your spatula at the ready, slide it under the pancake and flip it over onto its undone side. Again, you macho dads won’t need a spatula, just take the whole pan and flip the pancake into the air, then catch it in the pan.

            Step 13: Everything should be ready by now. The finished pancakes should be on a plate. Butter each of the pancakes, add syrup…but only if they ask…this is because they might want grape jelly on it or nothing at all, like how my son Kris likes em. Now add a little pepper to the eggs and serve then whole shebang hot.

            Now, if your kids say they don’t want that great breakfast you just made, serve them the cold cereal and eat all the eggs and pancakes yourself.

            If by chance you happen to forget steps one and two, the local pancake house is open for your convenience. Remember you’ll be happier and the little ones will love you even more if you do the above steps in order. That is if you can outguess them little buggers.