Coffee don't leave me now...

"Geez...it looks like I am going to have to quit drinking coffee for a bit. That ulcer has come back and coffee agitates it. Oh well...Tea is just going to have to do for the time being."



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Duck!

Why is it that when a bad guy unload 2 clips of bullets into Superman the bullets all bounce off of him with ease. But when the bad guy throws his gun at Superman he ducks? What's up with that?

WHY...

Why do my cats love to sit or sleep within and around my shoes…?

Why do my cats throw-up in my shoes?

Why do my cats, especially Jerry, only wants to sit on my lap when I am writing, like right now?

Why does Jerry want to sit on my lap when Tom is resting peacefully on my lap?

Why is Tom sitting in that box, one of those awful cat traps?

Why is it when I don’t get up early enough, Tom goes into the bathroom and knocks over the trashcan?

Why when the alarm goes off, 60 seconds later when I open my eyes, Tom is inches from my face?

Why does Tom punch me in the mouth the second thing after the alarm goes off? Oh right, he’s hungry.

Why does Tom argue with me every day? I can’t get him to shut up.

Why does Tom eat out of Jerry’s bowl and Jerry eats out of Tom’s bowl, when no one is looking?

Why, first thing in the morning, is Tom’s bowl empty and Jerry’s half filled?

Why is it when I sleep on my side, and I am only four inches wide at my shoulders, and Jerry only has four feet, why does he take eight steps to walk over me?

Why do I let my cats walk all over me?

Why does Tom sleep between my legs, when I like to roll from my left to my right in the middle of the night? Oh, now I remember, because he knows I will lay there and not kick him off my bed.

Why, when Tom sleeps between my legs, do I slowly as I can slide my leg by Tom so I don’t wake him, causing my leg to cramp up every time?

Why is it when I am watching TV and both or one or the other, is sitting on my lap and I have to go to the bathroom, I just sit there and suffer, because I don’t want to wake them because they are so cute?

Why do these cats eat plastic? Especially when I forget to put the bags up? I don’t need a sick cat on my hands.

Why do I hear Jerry, and sometimes Tom, run from the kitchen, around the living room, then up the stairs into the bedroom and back downstairs and in the Media room like nothing has happened?

Why does Tom run up the stairs, like a madman, (mad cat), jump up onto my bed and use his claws to stop? My down blanket is down 50% of its feathers.  I have sewn it up so many times the comforter is starting to look like Frankenstein’s blanket!

Why does Tom always try to hump Jerry? Heck, they were both neutered when they were young. So where does that come from?

Why does Tom hump Jerry? That’s when the fight starts.

Why do Tom and Jerry start to play and a minute later…the fight starts?

Why does Jerry always grab the door knob to the basement, and then look at me? Oh right, I usually, without fail, get up and open the door.

Why when I open the basement door Jerry never goes down? Tom, on the other hand, runs from were ever he is and charges down into the basement. I wonder what the heck are they doing down there?

Why is it that when Jerry goes down the stairs, after sitting in front of the door for about 10 minutes he goes down into the basement, then runs back upstairs like something is chasing him? Oh wait, its Tom chasing him.

Why are Tom and Jerry so funny at times? Oh right, they’re cats!

Why do I love Tom and Jerry? Oh yeah, because…cats!

Phone home...

(2) Facebook: "I really gotta quit drinking. My home phone hasn't been working since this past Monday. So I called my number and I was told that my line had been disconnected. Called a couple more times with the same results.
I thought I would try again today, but this time I happen to look at the number I was calling. It was not my number, had been calling the wrong number all this week. Geez..."



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I am going to become a...

"I decided, starting tomorrow I am going to become a doctor! I will also do my first surgery tomorrow on anybody who wants me to provide my surgical skills. I figure, if Trump can Place inexperienced people in positions and they have no idea what to do why can't I be a doctor, A surgeon? I'm just saying..."



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