Karma
I tend not to talk about other people, even though they may have
done something stupid or hurtful. I do think about it at great lengths, though.
And I really never thought about the word Karma, I always called it, “what goes
around comes around.” But, in my lifetime I have never really see cause or
effect on that thought.
During
those times, many, many years ago I never wished something like karma or something
bad to any person on my bad side. But, way too many times I have heard it from
other people. And the more I think about it I can’t see that anything “bad” has
happened to me because of something that I did to someone else, in my past, per
se. To which, I really try my hardest not to do bad thing to other people,
regardless.
I look back
on my life and have come to the conclusion that I have lived the ‘status quo’
for most of my life. But I am, and have been very cautious a great many times
in my life, because I have enjoyed doing many adventurous things, not crazy
things, though.
Is it
karma, though? For most of my life I
figured that I could truly never have a relationship because of how I was
raised, even though I came from a large family but, my mother and father fought
like Joe Frazier and Muhammad Ali throughout my early life. I never wanted to
ever argue with anyone, especially women, like my parents did.
So, I spent
most of my 20s only having so called, ‘one night stands’. In my late 20s I got
married but, that lasted a mere 10 years. I have now been divorced (single) for
just about 24 years. So, I went back to those ‘one night stands’ for those 23
and a half years, fearing a relationship.
Now, as I look back, I can see that a few of
those women may have gotten hurt because they wanted more and I felt that I
couldn’t give more so I moved on. But, did karma get me in the end? Maybe…In
June of 2006 I had my prostate removed and now my sex life is kaput. So, I feel,
a relationship is out of the question.
Why do I
say this? In that short time I have only met one woman who understood what I
was going through and she stood by me. But a relationship with her was out of
the question, mainly because of her lifestyle. She had a bad, a very bad case
of the MEs!
So, when I tried
to have, find someone to have a relationship with and told them my problem I
was left holding the rose. So, I decided to enjoy life, the life of being
single. I kind of feel better about it, but I do miss a few things, maybe a relationship.
Karma! I guess you could say that was introduced into my life, but thank
goodness it didn’t become a bitch, as they say about Karma.
But, I
digress, just a tiny bit. What brought up Karma…I was talking to an old friend,
who worked with me years ago. We retired from our job and he went and moved to
a southern state.
Anyway, a
person, who worked with both of us, came into question. My story; in 1990, in
one of the buildings I worked in, there were two people on days and 14 on the
night shift, I worked the day shift. Sometimes, if I worked overtime and had to
stay late I would punch in the shift coming in and they would punch me out.
One of the
guys had called me, I can’t remember his name or what we were talking about,
but it came up that he was coming in and I mentioned to him to punch me out and
I would punch everyone in. He said that he wouldn’t but he still wanted me to punch
him in. I told him I wouldn’t punch him in and he flew off the hammer.
Anyway, I
found out that this guy, who use to be a friend (or just a co-worker that I had
known for years) hated me with fervor. In 2000 my mother passed away. I was
told by a co-worker, that this person told them, ‘he didn’t care and he wished
that it was me who died’.
To this day
I cannot figure out what set this person off towards hating with that kind of ache.
Around 1995 I heard that he had cancer and died that year. Karma? Maybe…
I guess
that’s got me thinking about Karma today. maybe it was karma that intervened
into my life or it was just some zealous doctor that was trying out a new technique
that removes one’s prostate without being overtly invasive. Or Karma?
