What is success?

Someone asked me this question the other day; it's an interesting subject. What is success and what does it means to me? Or as it was put to me, "How do YOU define success? NOT what do you think SOCIETY thinks success is, but deep down in your gut what does the word "success" mean to you?

In reality, I don't know what to tell you on this subject, success. Because I don't and have never been a success, in my eyes. I have lived a truly uneventful life, a linear life. No real big ups, no real big downs. Okay, a couple of ups and downs. Big up, the birth of my children. The big down, finding out I had cancer.

In fact I could even say I am a big scaredy cat. Not in the sense that I run from big bad scary things, that's not me. I will defend myself, help others, if need be and at least try and stand in the face of adversity.

I guess what I mean by me being a scaredy cat, when it comes to starting something, let's says a business, or, a new venture or a job; I get scared and may back down. I say this because every time I start on that road to success I ask myself, why? And take another road so that I don't get burnt along the way.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have lived an exemplary life! I have enjoyed it; I wouldn't change anything I have done. Maybe perfect a few things, a tweak, a tweak there, maybe save a little more, have one more child, a girl; I guess I can forget that now, having another child. I have loved me and my life.

But success for me, fleeting? I wanted to go to medical school, but quit because I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write but kept saying to myself, I have a job. So, I lost many, many years. Now, at 58 and retired, I can only look to the future and hope I can succeed. Can I be a success? At this point in my life, only God knows.

Looking "deep" into my gut, I can never define "success" because I have never come within reach of it. Have I succeeded in life, well, is that's a different question. To that I can say, still being alive, I have succeeded in life.

I have seen success but it comes with different results. My brother, for instance was head of security for Air Force One, under President Clinton. To me that is a success. My Sister is a surgeon, but it took all of her life to get there, I guess she could be considered a success in her field. But, I know her and she is a mess with everything else in her life. As are quite a few other doctors I know.

Of course there are a lot of people, in the world, who are successes. Donald Trump, Oprah Winfrey comes to mind. But, how hard was it for them to obtain that success? Can anyone do what they did to get to where those two are now? There are over 300 million people in this country, but there are only 10% of those who I could consider success (rich?? Wealthy?!). Which doesn't necessary go hand in hand. You don't have to be rich or wealthy to be successful. Or at least in my opinion.

I guess I could go on and on, but I have the feeling that if you asked a target number of people, which is about one percent, you'll probably get a different answer, every time, on what's one persons take on, "what is success and how do they define it".

I have the feeling that success is something that you will have to achieve by yourself. At that point in time you will know. And all that information you have gathered from others may be meaningless because your success will be yours, so different from everyone else.

I am still looking though. I have written a book, had it published and have been trying to sell it for the last year. Book two, another book of poems, is finished and now I have to edit and input it into my computer again. But, those are books of poems. My “success” I hope will come with the books of fiction which are sitting here on my desk and have been for quite some time.

Is success fleeting? If you don’t grab hold of its coat-tails you might make it, if you miss, well…